Sleeping Secrets
by Beautybecks
Summary: We are more honest when we are asleep, than when we are awake. Set in the Marauder times. Next and Final chapter loaded up. Please R & R
1. Sleeping Secrets

Title: Sleeping Secrets

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Sirius/Remus

Rating: 16+ to be on the safe side

Summary: We are more honest when we are asleep than when we are awake. Set in the time of the Marauders.

Authors Note: I don't know the books all that well so some elements of this may conflict with them. If they do just think of it as an AU

Warnings: A bit of bad language and lusty thoughts.

Disclaimer: I disclaim this.

Sleeping Secrets 

"Hey! Sirius! Wake up already!" Sirius slowly came too… to realise he had fallen asleep at his desk. James was frantically prodding him and Sirius slowly began to realise that he was in Defence Against the Dark Arts class, he had been dreaming but he couldn't remember what about. It was unusual for him to fall asleep in this class. Divination: yes but never Defence Against the Dark Arts. It was just that he hadn't been sleeping well lately.

"Wha'? I'mup! I'm up!" Now that he was up Sirius began to realise a few more things: the Slytherin boys were laughing at him, particularly that stupid Severus; the teacher had gone leaving a note on the blackboard saying he'd gone to the staffroom and what the homework was; but most importantly his very best friend Remus Lupin was missing, his quill left on his parchment leaving a huge inkblot. "Where's Remus?" The class smirked at him for that. Well, some smirked, others sneered and most of the boys looked at him as if he was diseased.

All apart from James, he just looked… Sirius couldn't read his expression. James ushered him out of the classroom where they could talk in more privacy. "Peter, stay here." James ordered and the boy did as he was told.

"Look Prongs, what is this all about!" Sirius angrily asked as James closed the door behind him. There was a pause and James seemed to be searching for the right words. "Just tell me!" Sirius shouted. James sighed.

"You were sleeping. You were… dreaming."

"So what!"

"Do you remember what you were dreaming about?"

"No." Sirius replied. "So what?"

"Well the rest of the class does. You were talking… in your sleep. You were talking … about Remus…"

"Shit! I didn't let slip he was a _werewolf_." Sirius whispered the last word. "Did I?"

"No. No, you didn't."

"Then what!" Sirius wasn't the most patient of people and he was becoming more and more angry with every passing second James was pussyfooting around him. "What the fuck did I say that made Moony leave in the middle of class! He didn't even take his books with him!"

"You said… that you're… in love with him. You said you care for him. You said you wanted to protect him. You wanted to spend the rest of your life looking after him." James said, trying to keep his tone even, calm and emotionless. And failing.

"What?" was all Sirius could say.

"Is it true?"

"What!"

"Is. It. True?" James repeated.

"No! It was a dream! It was a lie! You know me, Prongs! I'm not that sick! He's not even my best friend! I don't even like him that much! I think he's a nerd!" Sirius exploded trying to sound angry when he really didn't know how he felt. "Is that all I said?" Sirius was quieter now, unsure.

"No." silent tears were leaking from James' eyes as he was shaking with anger, hatred and disgust. "You also said how much you wanted to kiss him, to hold him, to fuck him six ways 'til Sunday!"

"Just stop! I feel sick!"

"It was your dream!"

"It's wrong! I'm not… I don't…! I feel sick! How could you think that of me Prongs? No wonder you hate me. But it's not true! I like girls! You know how much I like girls! The other thing… that's disgusting! Sirius really did feel sick. He needed to see Remus to clear up the misunderstanding.

"If it is love-"

"It isn't! It can't be! It's wrong!"

"Love? Love can never be wrong. And I'm sorry I reacted so badly, it was just the shock. But it does make sense." James' voice was a lot calmer and was in strong contrast with Sirius'.

"It doesn't make any sense! It's not true! I've never been in love and I never will be! Not with him, not with anyone!" Sirius began storming off.

"Where are you going?" James asked.

"I'm off to see Lupin and sort out this ghastly mess!" Sirius replied. James didn't even bother saying that no one knew where Remus went, the Marauder's Map was still in the dorm. Sirius didn't need the map.

Remus Lupin was in part of the library that nobody visited. It was doubtful that the librarian knew of it and even if the house-elves were aware of it they were so kind as to clean it and still leave everything as Remus had left it Remus had indeed made himself quite a little den: there was a blanket, chocolate, a few (14 to be precise) that he was reading at the time, several volumes of his own works and even a teddy bear which a young muggle girl had given him when he woke up in a muggle hospital at the age of five. Indeed he had created his own secret, private world.

Well, Remus thought it was secret but Sirius knew exactly where his best friend could be found whenever he seemed to disappear. Remus had discovered the place almost immediately after starting Hogwarts five years ago. For years it had been a mystery to Sirius where Remus went during the day when he wasn't with the Marauders, but their recent creation (or rather Remus' recent invention for he was smarter than the rest of the Marauders put together. Which was saying something because James was quite smart.) allowed Sirius to check where Remus was whenever he's given him the slip and he was almost always in this secluded part of the library. Sirius guessed that now would be no different.

When Sirius did see Remus he stopped in his tracks. The smaller boy was curled up tightly and gently rocking too and fro. His pale, beautiful eyes leaked silent tears down his pale, scarred cheeks. His pale brown hair with pale blond streaks seemed to shine in the darkness. Then Sirius saw the blanket, books and teddy bear that littered the floor and just thought of a beautiful, rare creature caught in his natural habitat. Sirius couldn't speak. He couldn't even breathe.

Remus himself was too busy rocking to have noticed Sirius. Sirius just watched.. The boy seemed far younger than he actually was, he looked just like a child. He was innocent… just like a child. He needed protecting… but Sirius knew Remus was far more capable than Sirius gave him credit for. But still Sirius had to cling onto a bookshelf for it was all he could do to prevent himself from holding Remus to stop him from rocking and looking so vulnerable.

Sirius still couldn't speak; he couldn't move; all he could do was watch. He watched for what felt like hours but as he was so self-conscious it could only have been minutes.

"Hey." Sirius finally spoke, softly. It was uncharacteristically gentle but still enough to make Remus jump. "Sorry." Sirius apologised, his voice surprisingly gentle. "So this is where you always vanish to. I woke up and found you'd left. I was worried about you."

"You… you were d-dreaming." Remus stuttered, still rocking slowly, his eyes still leaking tears.

"I know. James told me. But it was a dream. It wasn't true. It didn't mean anything." Sirius' tone was calm and soft.

"'Dreams are the answers to unasked questions.'" Remus quoted, unsure of what it meant. "Please don't love me. I don't deserve it. You shouldn't even be my friend. You should hate me. I don't deserve friends. Nobody should ever, ever love me!" Remus was crying and he really meant what he said: Remus never said anything he didn't mean. Sirius' heart was screaming out 'You're the most kindest, most honest, most beautiful person in the world and nobody deserves to be loved more than you do!' but Sirius said nothing.

"I deserve being hated and bullied and teased." Remus continued frantically never explaining why. "They don't even talk about me behind my back, they call me names right to my face. 'Loner.' 'Mudblood' 'nerd' but I deserve it. I don't want them to talk about me but they do."

"Yeah, well I think they're all talking about me now."

"I am so sorry." Remus spluttered an apology and continued before Sirius could protest to his apology. "I reckon Severus put a hex on you making you say you were in love with the biggest loser of the school. I'm sorry for all the bullying you're gonna get. It's all my fault. You really should hate me!…"

"I could never hate you Remus. You're not a loser. You're my best friend and the smartest wizard in the whole school. Don't worry about my reputation: I'm a fifteen-year-old boy, I don't even know what love is. Why don't you think of a way for us to get revenge on Severus. Perhaps you could hex him into saying he's in love with a teacher… actually, that's not very original but I'm sure you'll think of something." Sirius gushed before forcing himself to return to a steadier pace.

"Are you ready to come back to class?" Sirius asked whilst gently brushing away the tearstains left on Remus' face, often allowing his fingers to trace the long thin scars before remembering himself and withdrawing his hands. Remus slowly shook his head.

"It's Arithmancy by now and I'd much rather work in here." Remus said, no longer crying but still curled up into a tight ball.

"Is there room enough for two?" Sirius asked, not willing to leave Remus when he was in such a self-loathing mood and not willing to leave him.

"Sure." Remus shyly smiled and Sirius was inwardly doing summersaults. "But I've left my work at the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom."

"I'll get it for you." Sirius eagerly volunteered before quickly adding, "I've left my own stuff there too." But Sirius was still rewarded with a most spectacular shy smile. And so Sirius began walking. A walk that was half dawdling because he needed time to think, but at the same time was half rushed so he could quickly get back to Remus.

He wandered in a state of deep thought which he had denied himself for so long. He thought hard and long about Remus: how his shy and awkward smiles could reduce him to jelly; how whenever he was talking to Remus he ended up losing himself in his pale, amber eyes; how he'd memorised every single scar Remus had and whenever a new one appeared his stomach lurched.

It was actually quite a surprise to Sirius to realise how much time he spent looking and thinking about Remus. The way Remus' hair looks golden when it catches the light, making him look like an angel. How white Remus' skin is, how perfect. Remus is so self-conscious about his body but Sirius has managed to catch glimpses throughout the years and thinks he is gorgeous, but always to thin. Remus does need someone to look after him.

As Sirius thinks he realises that it's not just Remus' image that he has captured and stored in his memory. He's captured the feel of Remus' skin during casual touches and accidental touches, so soft and smooth. How he has longed to explore that skin. Remus felt just like he was: tender, gentle and so very loving without ever being loved back.

And Remus' scent: chocolate (Remus likes the smell of chocolate so much he even invented a chocolate scented soap which he always uses) mixed with mint toothpaste and the faint trace of parchment. Padfoot knows that Remus can also smell of salt when he's been crying but he doesn't like that scent. With the scent Sirius can imagine the taste of chocolate and mint toothpaste. Sirius wouldn't mind licking those salt tears away.

After thinking about it there is no doubt that he is physically attracted to Remus, he's even hard now. It would explain all the wet dreams he'd been having but managed to forget. But so what if he fancied Remus? Remus is beautiful.

But then again you don't use 'beautiful' to describe someone you want to fuck, you use it to describe someone you love. Sirius didn't want to be in love, he was too young to be in love, he didn't even know what love was. But he knows Remus is beautiful.

Remus is so loving, so friendly, so smart, so generous, so amazing and yet so modest. Too modest. He's a target for bullies and Remus tends to believe whatever the bullies said to him, which made Sirius angry because it wasn't true! Remus has such a low opinion of himself and Sirius was determined to set it right and show Remus how much he really meant.

There was no doubt Sirius fancied Remus, but why then did he dream of all the romantic stuff: the holding hands, the kissing, the closeness? Why did he only want to be with Remus for the rest of his live? Why did he want to protect Remus, place a charm on him so nothing could hurt him? Perhaps this was love?

In fact the more he thought about it the more he realised that he was in love with Remus, and every single second spent thinking about him (let alone being with him) made him fall even deeper. He knew nobody deserved love more than Remus and slowly began to cope with realising that Sirius may make Remus see this too using his new lease of friendship. James was right: Love is never wrong.

Sirius ran the rest of the way to the classroom, grabbed both his and Remus' things and rushed back even quicker to give them to him.


	2. Awoken Acceptance

Title: Awoken Acceptance

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Sirius/Remus with a slight bit of Hamlet/Horatio

Rating: 12

Summary: Sirius loves Remus. Remus loves Sirius. Remus knows Sirius loves him but Sirius still has a battle on his hands, as Remus doesn't seem himself worthy of being loved. Set during Marauder times.

Warnings: mild slash and also some violence.

Author's note: follow on story from "sleeping secrets lj link" as so many reviewers wanted me to carry it on. This is the last chapter. I still don't know the books as well as I should do so this may contradict them, if it does please think of it as an AU.

Disclaimer: This is just fan fiction. I am just a fan, not an owner. A poor fan at that so please don't sue. I also make no claim on Shakespeare's Hamlet although I do know it off by heart though.

Awoken Acceptance 

The Marauders were 5 weeks into their 6th year at Hogwarts. But for Sirius nothing much had changed since the previous year when, whilst sleeping in class, he accidentally blurted out that he was in love with his best friend Remus. A pretty earth-shattering revelation … yet nothing much changed.

Sure he'd received a bit of teasing but most people just let him be. Girls stopped dating him of course- he was previously known as something of a ladies man and had dated may girls during his time at Hogwarts, but his heart was never in it (although his libido often was.) Remus captured his heart.

"I don't get it Siri…" James Potter (a great mate with seriously messed up hair) was having a good solid talk with Sirius about Remus. Again. "You love Remus. Remus loves you…"

"Yeah, but Remus doesn't like himself enough to let himself BE loved." Sirius winced as the awkwardness of his statement. James nodded at the truth of it. "I've just got to make him see what a good person he is. What he means to me."

"How do you plan on doing that?" James enquired.

"I have absolutely no idea."

* * *

A month passed. James was now 16 and going steady with a Griffindor, redheaded sensible girl called Lily Evans. Yet the situation between Sirius and Remus had pretty much stayed the same.

Sure Remus appeared happy again, but he was still withdrawn. He spent most of his free time hiding out in his secret place in the library; however he could never hide from Sirius. Even when Sirius could get him to talk it was only small talk and nothing really meaningful.

But as Sirius thought about it he realised that Remus had always been reluctant to talk about the things that really mattered to him. When they first met, even when Remus was officially declared a Marauder, he only gave his opinion when it was specifically asked for. Even now, 6 years later, Remus apologises when he speaks without receiving some obvious form of consent. Sirius always thought Remus was shy but it's more than that: Remus believes himself to be inferior.

Tears threatened to spill from Sirius' eyes. He'd been thinking about this for far too long and his thought were getting progressively darker. He was feeling sorry for himself. It was sickening that Remus should have such a low opinion of himself, but on a more selfish note: It was Sirius' birthday in 3 days and there was very little chance of getting what he **really** wanted.

* * *

Sirius' birthday came and went. 16 is said to be a milestone but Sirius' birthday was only memorable for two things: thing the first, Sirius getting drunk then trying to kiss Remus, (which unfortunately made Remus even more shy and he ran for the hills.) Sirius didn't see him for days after that incident, despite the fact that they shared the same dorm.

It was directly because of this that thing the second was created: instead of making a birthday wish, (a tradition he learnt from muggles which he found ironic, muggles usually wish for magic, so he kept it) Sirius made a birthday vow. He vowed to restore Remus' self-esteem, to prove how much the boy means to him, what a good person he is. He vowed to do all this before Remus turned 16, giving him a deadline of 4 months and twelve days. Unfortunately Sirius had no idea how to keep this vow.

Sirius was 16 years one week and three days old before Remus talked to him again after the attempted kiss, and even that was to ask Sirius if he was sitting on top of his copy of 'Hamlet.' He was.

"Cor blimey Remus! Do you actually read this stuff? For fun? I mean, the language don't even make sense! And it's so long!"

"Over 4 hours when performed in full." Remus agreed. "But the language does make sense! It's just a bit dense, is all. I think it's beautiful. Please can you give it to me?" Remus politely asked. Sirius kept reading the play.

"What's it about then?" Sirius knew Remus could never resist educating his friends. It was a sure-fire way to get Remus to relax and a relaxed Remus would be needed in helping Sirius fulfil his vow.

* * *

"In a pinch: Hamlet is the Prince of Denmark. His mother, Gertrude, has just married his dead father's brother, Claudius. Then Hamlet's father's ghost appears telling him it was Claudius who killed him. The honourable thing do in that era would be for Hamlet to kill Claudius, but Hamlet stalls. He thinks about it too much and can't actually DO it. But, in a fit of madness he kills Ophelia, a girl he's kind of romantically entwined in, he kills her father Polonius. Ophelia then becomes insane, falls in a river and drowns. Her brother, Laertes seeks revenge on Hamlet. Claudius also wants Hamlet dead so they organise a fencing match between Laertes and Hamlet, but Laertes' weapon was to be tipped with poison. Claudius also fills a cup with poison, intending Hamlet to drink it. Gertrude drinks it instead and she dies telling Hamlet that she was poisoned. Laertes then scratches Hamlet so Hamlet is poisoned; Hamlet then wounds Laertes with the poisoned weapon. Laertes tells Hamlet they both are dead and Claudius is to blame. Hamlet then poisons Claudius. Ophelia, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (old friends of Hamlet who were willing to kill Hamlet because Claudius wanted them to, did I forget to mention that?), Gertrude, Laertes and Claudius all dead. Hamlet is dying but he still manages to prevent his best and faithful friend Horatio from committing suicide. Then Hamlet dies. Fortinbras, who arrives to conquer the thrown, arrives to find a room full of corpses and Hamlet's dying wish was that the kingdom should go to Fortinbras. So he does."

"Bloody hell, Remus! That's a bit of a lengthy explanation!"

"Sorry." Remus immediately apologised. Sirius grimaced.

"You're really into all this stuff, aren't you Remus?"

"I know it was written by a muggle and over 3 centuries ago but it's amazing. It's life. You can learn a lot from Shakespeare, his plays are so primeval they'll last forever."

"I'll take that as a yes." Sirius smiled and in response Remus gave him a shy smile and a weak nod. "Remus?..."

"Yes Sirius?"

"Please can I borrow it? Study it for a while? See if I can see why you like it so much?"

"I've got two copies, you could have the other copy if you wanted." Remus suggested.

"But you've annotated this one and quite frankly I don't think I could understand it without your notes. Please Remus?… Please?…" Sirius was begging and who was Remus to deny him the pleasure of Shakespeare?

"Sure. I'll go to the library and get my other copy. I left it there a week back. I was reading it to help me get to sleep." Remus paused after realising he'd let slip he'd been sleeping in the library after Sirius kissed him. "Bye." Remus scuttled off in a hurry.

Sirius sank back in his chair and settled down to start reading. He didn't know how yet but he was going to use this to get closer to Remus.

* * *

And there it was! Act 3 Scene 2: Hamlet's conversation with his 'best and faithful friend' Horatio. Throughout the play Sirius had noticed Hamlet's affection for Horatio and through Remus' annotations he couldn't help but also notice Remus' affection for Horatio. When Horatio entered saying, 'Here sweet lord, at your service.' Remus had scribbled – Horatio: the definition of loyal, honest and kind. He's the one that's 'sweet'!

Sirius briefly wondered if you could fall in love with a person that was just ink on paper, because Remus was showing all the signs.

Sirius also absent-mindedly changed Remus' annotation to – Remus: the definition of loyal, honest and kind – before reading on.

Then Sirius had a brainwave. He knew how to fulfil his vow.

* * *

Sirius spent the whole of the Christmas holidays rehearsing the speech. Shakespearian language was a bit of a pain to learn, but he was determined. Everything else that holiday was a blur; Sirius could even remember what he'd bought the others for Christmas, or even what he received. All except for Remus of course.

Sirius had given Remus a picture he'd drawn: a close-up on Remus' beautiful face, pale white skin, pale brown hair and pale amber eyes. Beautiful. The moon highlighting his face on a starless night. Capital letters in the sky spelling out MOONY. Sirius wanted to put MY MOONY but he realised that would have been pushing it.

Remus had given Sirius a handwritten book of poems, all created by Remus J. Lupin himself. They pretty much reinforced what Sirius already knew: Remus was beautiful yet couldn't see it. Remus' opinion of himself was one of unworthiness, embarrassment and trouble. This was an opinion that (with a little bit of Shakespeare's help) Sirius intended to put right.

* * *

There was under two months left until Remus turned 16 and Sirius was letting the time pass him by. He felt like a fool. No matter how much he rehearsed it he could not recite Shakespeare to Remus in public (or private for that matter.) It wasn't natural. It just wasn't the kind of thing Sirius did.

However after an hour alone with Remus: sharing glances from which Remus rapidly withdrew; Remus opening his mouth as if to speak but never doing so, Sirius couldn't stand it any longer.

"Yo Remus!"

"What is it Sirius?" Sirius paused. Remus looked down, looking as if he thought he'd said the wrong thing.

"Remus, thou art e'en as just a man

As e'er my conversation coped withal."

"But Sirius!-" Remus began to protest but Sirius continued, cutting Remus off.

"Nay, do not think I flatter,

For what advancement may I hope from thee,

That no revenue hast but thy good spirits

To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flattered?"

It was true that Remus was poor but somehow that made him all the more beautiful. Sirius didn't like Remus because he was rich: he liked Remus for Remus. And he was absolutely determined for Remus to realise that.

"No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp

And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee

Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear?"

Sirius knew Remus was reluctantly listening but he doubted Remus actually heard his message. Or even if he did he doubted Remus would believe it.

"Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice,

And could of men distinguish her election,

Sh'ath sealed thee for herself, for thou hast been

As one in suffering all that suffers nothing,

A man that Fortune's buffets and rewards

Hast tane with equal thanks."

Remus captured Sirius' soul yet had such a tortured one himself. He never complained about his hardships, even with his lupine nature Remus only worried for others and never himself. Remus always counted his blessings, despite feeling unworthy of them. He suffered so much yet was always the first in line to help others. Sirius loved Remus because there was no one more worthy of being loved in the world.

"And blest are those

Whose blood and judgement are so well commeddled

That they are not a pipe for Fortune's finger

To sound what stop she please. Give me that man

That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him

In my heart's core, ay in my heart of heart,

As I do thee."

Remus did represent the sensible side of the Marauders, he'd received the least amount of detentions. Remus would never be so careless as to endanger others, however he did seem slightly careless when it came to endangering himself. Especially when it came to protecting others.

The Marauders needed Remus, but not as much as Sirius needed him. Remus never said so but he thought differently. Remus undervalued his importance to the group and couldn't understand Sirius' feelings toward him. He thought it was just pity.

"I'm no Horatio." Remus replied before walking off, leaving Sirius crushed. Sirius had meant every single word but Remus was blind and deaf to the truth of it. Sirius' plan had not worked.

* * *

Sirius spent weeks thinking, crying and sulking. Just three days until Remus' birthday and Remus still as shy and depreciative as ever. There was practically no hope of Sirius fulfilling his vow. He felt so useless.

For the past week Sirius had taken to… (I guess most people may call it stalking but Sirius called it observing) … observing Remus. From a safe distance of course, as Remus was kind of jumpy lately and Sirius didn't want to scare him off.

It was currently breakfast in the Great Hall but very few of the teachers seemed to be there. In fact there were only two: Professor Dumbledore and Madam Turnip, deep in conversation together and unaware of the surrounding events. Remus, on the other hand, was a different matter.

On the Slytherin table a young Slytherin bespectacled boy was being pelted with food from his own plate, thrown by Slytherin hands. He was being pushed and shoved by Slytherin arms, elbows and fists. Slytherin mouths were shouting vile and abusive words at him. The bespectacled boy was in tears, yet nobody was helping him. Remus saw all this and moved to help him.

Despite the protests of Remus' friends, Sirius particularly, Remus left his place at the Griffindor table and walked over to the Slytherin table and then to the Slytherin boy. He helped the boy leave the table; shielding him from the pushes and shoves, absorbing most of them himself.

Once a few metres away from the Slytherin table with no signs of being pursued Remus asked for the boy's name.

"Robert, sir. Robert Harrowfield." The boy was young.

"My name's Remus Lupin. I'm in my 6th year here. You can call me Remus." Remus outstretched his hand and Robert shyly shook it. Remus crouched down to improve the eye line between him and Robert. He pointed over to the Griffindor table and more specifically to his empty chair. "I suggest you have your breakfast over there. My friends James, Peter and Sirius, they'll look after you."

"Thankyou sir."

"Remus." He politely corrected Robert. Robert softly smiled in reply. "But before you go, if you don't mind me asking of course, why were they bullying you?"

"They stole a picture of my mother, last night. I wanted it back. They think I'm a 'mummy's boy' but I'm not! It's just… she died just before I started Hogwarts. She was a muggle. Died in a car crash. I miss her." Robert was kind of surprised that he was telling his inner feelings and secrets to a stranger but he felt as if he could trust Remus. And he could.

"Of course you miss her. Look, you must be hungry so I suggest you go get your breakfast. I'll get your picture for you Robert." Robert looked at him as if to say 'you don't have to,' a worried look plastered all over his face. But Remus just sent Robert along to his friends on the Griffindor table.

As Robert half-ran to the Griffindor table to be made welcome by Sirius, James and Peter: Remus steadily walked back to the Slytherin table to be greeted by an unwelcoming bunch of greasy-haired, scornful, spotty-faced Slytherins.

"Is it true you stole Robert's picture? The one of his dead mother?" Remus was directing this to the group as Slytherins tended to work in a group to make themselves feel more powerful. However, most gangs have a leader.

"Robert? Is that his name? I thought it was Mommy's Boy!" A 7th year Slytherin Remus now recognised as Butch Hardman replied in a dry, hoarse voice.

"Talk about an Oedipus complex!" squealed a girl.

"Please can I have that picture?" Remus politely asked.

"We burnt it." Butch growled. Remus sighed.

"Simulacrum in meus manus." However, two pictures materialised in Remus' hand. One: a beautiful woman in which he could see the family likeness between her and Robert, the beautiful woman smiling at Remus and even waving at him. The second picture was one of Butch and what appeared to be his father, both shirtless and showing off the matching tattoos on their right shoulders.

Remus put the picture of Robert's mother in the inside pocket of his robes and the other picture on the table. Remus tried to walk away but Butch was blocking his path.

Without warning Butch grabbed Remus by the hair and smashed Remus' face into the thick, oak table.

The Great Hall became alive as thousands of students ran wildly around. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were torn between wanted to help but not willing to be beaten for it. Most of them watched in shock. Griffindors tried to help Remus but a large number of the Slytherins had formed a circle around Butch and the semi-conscious Remus. Some Slytherins tried to help Remus but other Slytherins, who were not afraid to fight dirty, turned them on. Robert was sobbing, feeling helpless and guilty.

Professor Dumbledore and Madam Turnip were still in deep conversation, oblivious.

As Remus took another kick in the stomach, Sirius made a rapid decision. He told Dumbledore about the fight.

Unfortunately, by the time Dumbledore got to the fight the Slytherins had dispersed. Remus was lying in a pool of his own blood, already covered with bruises. He coughed up blood but still mustered up the strength to call Robert's name. Robert pushed his way to the front of the crowd and knelt down in the blood, next to Remus. Remus pulled out the picture from the inside of his robes and handed it to Robert with a smile.

He then slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

Within seconds Dumbledore transported Remus to the hospital wing. Remus was going to be all right, given time but he wasn't allowed any visitors for quite some time. However, the queue waiting to see Remus did not go down.

Literally thousands of students, and several teachers, waited patiently to see Remus. They eventually left reluctantly when Dumbledore announced that classes had to restart sometime as vital knowledge needed to be learnt. The masses trudged back to class.

Sirius, James and Robert stayed in the corridor out the hospital wing, desperately waiting for more news on Remus' condition. (Peter would have stayed but he was already behind in class so he had to go. Sirius and James were both smart enough to miss a class now and then and still catch up. Robert was too distraught to go to class)

"Don't be so hard on yourself, kid." Sirius gently told Robert, who had ran out of tears but still sounded as if he was crying. "Remus wouldn't want you to be."

"I should have… Sob … just let them … splutter keep it!" Robert cried, cradling the picture of his mother to his chest. "He's too nice for his own good." Sirius almost laughed a harsh, bitter laugh as even the kid could see what Remus so blindly couldn't.

"You should get back to class, Robert." James sympathetically suggested.

"I'm not going until I get to thank Remus." Robert insisted.

"We could tell him thanks for you. He'd be upset if you got into trouble because of him." Sirius advised Robert.

"I'm not going until I get to thank Remus." Robert stood his ground. "Wait! I've got an idea!" Robert grabbed his quill and a pad of discarded parchment and quickly scribbled.

To Remus, My mum had a book of miths and fables witch she used to reed to me at knight. In it was this won mith: Angels, peeple in heaven with wings who helped peeple on Earth. Kind lucking, with harts of gold. You are an angel on Earth. My mum wood have sed so too. Thanks. From Robert.

He passed the note to Sirius.

"Give him this. Tell him thankyou and I'll be back to see him when class is over. He's very special. No one else would have helped me like that. No one else did." And with that Robert skipped off to class, still clutching his precious picture in his hand.

"I better get to class too." James announced. Sirius gave him a distracted wave goodbye. James didn't even bother asking Sirius if he'd come to class because he already knew the answer. James left as Sirius sank down to sit on the floor of the corridor, his back against the wall.

He was clutching Robert's note in his hands. He knew he shouldn't, but he was just itching to read it. He denied himself for several minutes before eventually giving in.

Robert was right: Remus was an angel on Earth.

Beautiful with a heart of gold­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­--- that was the best description of Remus yet! Sirius laughed as he realised Remus would probably help Robert with his spelling once he read the note. It didn't matter that Robert was a Slytherin, the sworn enemies of Griffindors. Robert needed Remus' help and Remus gladly gave it. Sirius kept re-reading the note, wondering how many people thought of Remus like this. Sirius reckoned it would be a pretty high amount.

Sirius was so absorbed in the note and his own thoughts that he didn't even notice Dumbledore until Dumbledore addressed him.

"Now now Mr. Black. Shouldn't you be in class?" Dumbledore's voice wasn't exactly loud but most people would have jumped at the tone of it. Sirius though, was in deep thought and forming and idea. He now knew of Dumbledore's presence but wasn't exactly consciously aware of it.

Then Sirius jumped to his feet and with an exited voice asked: "Professor Dumbledore! Do you know if Remus will be out of the hospital wing before his birthday? In three days?" Dumbledore looked taken aback, as if he'd seen a statue come to life. Mind you, he'd seen several statues become animated during his lifetime.

"Mr. Lupin is a very resilient young man. However, Nurse Enicidem is very strict. Mr. Lupin's wounds were very severe; Mr. Butch Hardman was expelled immediately. I would say it will take Nurse Enicidem around a day to patch Mr. Lupin up as best as she can. She'll probably want to keep him in for a week, to let time do its own special magic." Sirius cursed. Dumbledore pretended not to hear it; he didn't even flinch as he continued. "Yet knowing of Mr. Lupin's reluctance at staying in the hospital wing for any more time than is necessary… I am willing to wager he'll persuade Nurse Enicidem to release him on his birthday."

Sirius could have hugged the Professor.

"What are you plotting, Mr. Black?" Dumbledore enquired.

"Nothing bad, sir! I just… I made a vow to raise Remus' self-esteem but I haven't exactly kept it so far." Sirius told Dumbledore.

"The boy does seem to have a rather low opinion of himself." Agreed Dumbledore. "Which is entirely unjustified, especially as the most of the school adores him."

"Exactly!" Shouted Sirius. "Well, I've got a plan to make him realise it. However, I'm going to need your help. It's too big for me to do all by myself…."

* * *

It was Remus' birthday. He woke in pain, not in his own bed. It took him a few sleepy minutes to realise he was in the hospital wing. Remus was surprised he didn't realise straight away as it seemed to him he spent more time in the hospital wing beds than he did his own bed back at the dorm.

A soft snore coming from the direction of a chair at the bottom of his bed let him know he wasn't alone. It was early, about 6am. Had Sirius been in that chair all night? Sirius stirred, yawned, and then opened his eyes.

"Did I wake you, Sirius? I'm sor—" Sirius cut of Remus' apology.

"No! You didn't wake me. It's just… today's your birthday!"

"Is it really?" Remus had honestly forgotten. "Oh." It was obvious from his tone of voice that it didn't really matter much to him. Remus tried not to have birthdays as they seemed to draw attention to himself. But as birthdays were inevitable, he tried not to publicize them. Sirius only knew of his birthday because he was the only one to ask and Remus was too polite to avoid a direct question.

"Come on Remus! You're 16 today! It's a milestone!" Sirius beamed with excitement. Remus didn't.

"Sirius. I don't exactly feel strong enough to celebrate." Remus softly stated. Sirius' face dropped.

"You're healing well…"

"But I still look a mess!" Remus regretted raising his voice, not only because it was out of character but also because it caused him a great deal of pain. He was used to pain though. "But that doesn't matter…. I don't matter."

"Remus! It's your birthday! I don't suppose you could stop hating yourself for just one day, could you?" Sirius wanted to add that Remus was still beautiful, even when he was battered and bruised but he settled for just thinking it.

Nurse Enicidem had patched up Remus the best she could: she'd stopped the internal bleeding; healed his cracked skull; fixed his smashed eye socket; amazingly restored his left eye from what had been turned into paste, back into an actual eye-ball; patched up his punctured lung; healed 17 cracked and broken ribs and replaced his left kneecap which had been shattered.

However, bruising and swelling was still tremendous; Remus had an invisible cast on his right leg; his left ankle was in a solid bandage of hardened herbs and magical ingredients; his right shoulder now had the habit of dislocating easily and was held in place by a clamp under his skin; his right wrist was also bandaged in magic leaves but these were not hardened; his left arm was in a sling fixed to the inside of his robes. Every part of Remus ached and burned and stabbed and throbbed and hurt. But at least he was still alive.

Remus stayed alarmingly quiet. So quiet that Sirius fell asleep, despite his earlier enthusiasm. It was after all only a little past 6 in the morning.

Remus watched Sirius for a while, questioning what he was so afraid of. Why was he so afraid of letting himself be loved by this man? Remus already knew the answer: he loves Sirius, and had no control over that. Remus needed control. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sirius, he trusted him with his life… but he wasn't so keen to trust anyone with his heart. His heart was very fragile.

Remus felt safer in denying himself love: loneliness was painful but it was familiar. Yet, looking at Sirius, Remus began to wonder whether the risk for potential happiness was perhaps worth it. Remus mulled it over as sleep overcame him.

* * *

Remus woke with a start, this time fully aware he was in the hospital wing. Sirius was already up and bouncing around. It was 7:46 on what Remus was happy to think was just an ordinary day. Sirius quickly brought up the fact that it wasn't though.

"Good morning birthday boy! Well … actually it's good evening." It was 7:46pm. "Come on Remus. It's time to break out of this joint!" Sirius was beaming.

"Sirius, I was born at 11:23pm. I'm not 16 yet so I'm not a birthday boy. If you want to get into semantic you could call me a birthNIGHT boy, and that's how I'd prefer it. Celebrating the time of my birth when everybody else is asleep so no one can make a fuss of me." Sirius began to worry about his plan but it was too late to turn back now.

"Come on Remus! Lighten up! Let's get you out of here! You spend far too much time in this hospital wing." Sirius was eager and Remus was more than willing, but wasn't too sure if he was actually able. He tried to stand but found he couldn't.

"Not to worry Remus. The Prof. (meaning Dumbledore) taught me a spell. It's difficult to do but he taught me well. It doesn't exactly heal you, it's just makes you almost weightless so it's easier to move. Or rather… it'll be easier for me to move you. And you won't be putting as much weight on your legs so it'll hurt less."

"You seem to have gone to an awful lot of trouble, Sirius."

"Well you're worth it!" Sirius rapidly replied. Remus looked down, not believing he was. "Now let me remember what that spell was… erm…" Sirius picked up his wand and with a flick of the wrist said: "Remus J. Lupin … paene non pondus." Nothing happened.

Remus sighed and picked up his own wand. "Remus J. Lupin … humilis nutus." Remus flicked his wrist and then yelped in agony, however Remus tried to limit his howling in pain using several breathing techniques. It still hurt though.

Sirius pulled Remus to his feet. Remus had pulled off the spell successfully but had seriously damaged his wrist in doing so. Plant extracts oozed from his bandage and they seemed to be helping.

"Come on Remmy. I've got to get you to the Great Hall."

"Aren't we going back to the dorm? Sirius? Sirius!" Sirius just responded with a proud and mischievous grin that made Remus very anxious indeed.

* * *

Remus entered, or rather was pushed, into the Great Hall and was taken aback by what he saw. Teachers were there; Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and Griffindors from all years were also there; even the odd Slytherin was there too. Professor Dumbledore was at the head of that group and one of the first to greet Remus.

"Excuse me sir, but may I ask what all this is for?" Remus asked and Dumbledore chuckled.

"I know you only have one good eye at the moment but erm… I would have thought even you could read a sign that big." Dumbledore referred to a sign that hung across the length of the Great Hall. It read 'Happy 16th Remus!'

"How can this be, sir? Only one person knows of my birthday and that's … Sirius?"

"Well, in the 6 years you've been here you've never had a birthday party. So I figured it was about time and with the Prof's help I decided to throw you a party that you couldn't deny or forget in a hurry." Sirius proudly presented his plan.

"I'll say! How on Earth did you persuade all these people to come?" Remus wanted to dismiss the sentiment but as Sirius said … it was kind of hard to deny.

"Actually, that was Sirius' brainwave." Dumbledore chuckled. "All these guests are people you've helped during your time here at Hogwarts. And before you protest, Mr. Lupin, your teachers are here because you've helped them and their class. You make people want to learn and you're an inspiration to teachers and students alike. You will make an excellent teacher one of these days Mr. Lupin." Remus couldn't help but smile, ignoring the ache in his face and the voice in his head telling him this was all a twisted joke. He'd listened to that voice for long enough.

Remus tried to focus on the individuals in the mass of people. He could see his friends; James and Peter. Sirius was still by his side. Most of the people Remus didn't know by name but he'd always helped them if they needed help. Picked up books, opened doors, stuck up for them if they were being teased, helped them learn. Remus just thought he was being polite and he'd done nothing special, Yet Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and Griffindors from all year were cheering for him. One small Slytherin boy stuck out from the crowd though.

"Remus!" the boy called out.

"Robert!" the boy squeezed through the crowd and ran to Remus before hugging him. Remus winced in pain and Robert withdrew quickly, muttering apologies. Remus talked over the apologies, clearly and sincerely. "It's good to see you."

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you when you were in the hospital wing! Did you get my letter?" Robert asked.

"I did Robert, it was very sweet. Thankyou." Robert's smile exploded into a grin.

"I meant to visit you but I was behind with school work and homework. I wish I was smart like you, Remus."

"You are smart Robert. You're enthusiastic and eager to learn: That's smart. If you want I could help you learn more. Tutor you, improve your spelling." Sirius hid a smirk when Robert's spelling was mentioned. "What do you say Robert?"

"I'd say: Thankyou!" Poor Robert was desperate to hug Remus but didn't want to hurt him. He hugged Sirius instead. Remus softly laughed, genuinely happy. But Remus decided that wasn't good for him and mentally shook himself.

Remus spent hours in conversation with the many friends he never realised he had. He was propped up against a wall and couldn't escape. If he had been able-bodied he wouldn't have let Sirius even plan a party, let alone throw one. But now Remus wouldn't leave even if he could: he was reluctantly enjoying himself.

There was a big feast in Remus' honour. 'Happy Birthday' and 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow' had just previously been sung and the noise had been so loud he was surprised he could still hear anything.

The trouble with the feast was that Remus was in no fit state to feed himself. It didn't turn out to be a problem though, as hoards of girls volunteered. Remus was surrounded by girls: eagerly feeding him, making him comfortable and mothering him. Sirius was jealous. (If asked he'd say he was jealous of Remus but in actual fact he was jealous of the girls. Especially that 7th year Ravenclaw who was feeding him jelly and obviously flirting too.)

Then the time came.

"Prof! It's almost time! Can you do the honours?" Sirius asked. And Dumbledore did.

The entire roof of the Great Hall disappeared. The moonless night was lit up by fiery digits floating in the sky. Hours, minutes and seconds revealing the time. As the time reached 11:22 59 the time disappeared and was replaced by the countdown. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6… For the first time in many years Remus was looking forward to his birthday. … 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 … !HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMUS!

The celebrations were mad! Fireworks, colourful displays in the sky, thousands of people cheering: it was crazy! It was possibly the best moment in Remus' life. Only to be superseded by the next one.

In amongst the chaos Sirius talked to him. The noise was so loud they had to be very close to hear each other.

"Remus? How to you feel?" It may have seemed a strange question but the answer shocked both Remus and Sirius. People were probably watching but Remus didn't care. Sirius was so close, so Remus (thankful he could still move his neck) leaned in and kissed Sirius on the lips. Gently and with a tremendous amount of love.

"Thankyou." Remus whispered into Sirius' lips before backing away, starting to question himself. "But I still think…"

"Don't think! You only think bad things about yourself. Don't think! Thinking sent Hamlet mad. You think too much! Don't think: Just feel."

They continued kissing: feeling, loving and being loved.


End file.
